I have the advantage here.
I’m writing about this after a significant amount of time has passed.
(My wounds aren’t fresh…but they’re still deep.)
The old saying ‘Time heals all wounds’ is truth… and bullshit. Time primes your heart.
The ache is still with you everyday, but you’ll find it’s more palpable on day 12,452, than on day 7.
And it’s simply because your heart has become encased in a fortified covering that is almost impenetrable. The years of growth and neglect has made it fine pickings for a paranormal ghost tour— but I pity the caravan that comes gawking.
You see there are people who are entranced by anything paranormal and dark –And your cobwebbed heart, and rusty iron gates are euphoric to them. They want to enter…they want to spend the night in your icy rooms and peek in your closets.
They get prickles from the barren, the forlorn, and the pain of others.
I can look back now with a reflective perspective because I don’t question ‘survival’ like I did at the onset. When someone you love dies, (or exits your life) you want to die right along with them. There’s a hole the size of a canyon in your spirit, and you will grasp at anything to try to fill it.
I don’t tell people ‘You will get over it’, or ‘It will get easier with time’. I don’t believe you ever get over it. You just deal with it. You carry it. You hoard it. The emptiness has weight and you cling to it. For a time.
It gets lighter. It does. That’s how you’re able to move through life. But it is still there. The pressure is always reminding you of what was, and what is never coming back.
“So… how do you explain the absence of a person to your soul”?